Borrowing Troubles

On most days, I live for the day itself and do not concern myself about the far-off future.  Oh sure, I will worry about things that may or may not happen the next day or even the next week.  But, I don't spend a lot of time in thought about what my life will be like five, ten or even twenty years down the road.  Today was not one of those days, however.  Today, I was forced to think about the future of my daughter, Molly, and what her life will look like in just three and a half short years. 

Molly has autism and today was the day of her annual Individualized Education Plan (IEP) at her school.  Socially, Molly is very high-functioning and when you first meet her, you would never guess she has a developmental disability.  However, cognitively she is very far behind her peers.  She is not able to read more than a few words or do simple math.  Her IEP consists of a totally modified curriculum and most of her day is spent in a one-on-one setting learning the skills that will hopefully help her in life.  For example, she is learning how to count money and how to spend it in a real-life setting.  She is also learning the words you would see in public such as "Exit" or "Restrooms" or "Women."

A large part of the meeting today was spent looking at the services Molly will need after high school graduation.  A lot of hard questions were asked, "What kind of job would Molly like and for what kind of employment will she be qualified?"  "Will she live on her own or with a roommate?"  "Will she be able to receive transition services through the state to help her after high school?"  I calmly voice my questions, concerns and ideas on all of these subjects, but inside I am screaming, "Why can't she just live with us for the rest of her life, so I can make sure she is cared for and has everything that she needs?"  And, then the really scary thought occurs to me - we won't be around forever.  What happens when we are gone?  Aagh!  Can I just shove these thoughts aside and not think about them?  No, I have to think about them.  I have to make a plan!  What is that verse from the Psalms about making our plans but allowing God to guide our steps?  Okay, Lord, guide my steps - help me with a plan.

My dearest friend, Ann, recently sent me something she had read in one of her devotions.  It is speaking to me today as never before...
"You know this day will bring difficulties, and you are trying to think your way through these trials. As you anticipate what is ahead of you, you forget that I am with you - now and always. Rehearsing your troubles results in experiencing them many times, whereas you are meant to go through them only once when they actually occur.  Do not multiply your suffering in this way!  Instead, come to me and relax in My Peace. I will strengthen you and prepare you for this day, transforming your fear into confident trust."

Amen, Dear Jesus....